When I started blogging I was looking forward to sharing some wisdom and insight on a variety of issues within society. I felt that by painting a picture of myself and past, That I'd be showing empathy to others who have suffered and I wanted to encourage them to endure, despite the odds.
When I wrote the blog - "She may have gave birth to me, but she wasn't my mother", I have to say that it brought me back to a dark time and a dark head space. Bad memories that left me in a state of anger and sadness. This was telling me that maybe I hadn't forgiven as much as I thought. That maybe I hadn't moved on as much as I thought.
I'm also not ready yet to share anymore about that part of my life...
I spent sometime looking inwards and evaluating my life and a few weeks later I woke up out of the darkness with some insight. That part of my life had definitely left me in a state of trauma. I guess it could be likened to PTSD. Maybe that's why I'm so empathetic to those traumatized. I don;t know but I do know that I have that voice in my head still calling out for me to endure and to help others.
I believe that remembering the past, can serve as a motivation to do better in the future. I've learned recently that sometimes, things are best left in the past and that one should reflect but never live in the past and dwell on it.
It's been a long, hard road. A lot of times it's been filled with love and happiness. Good times, loving family and great friends.
And I know it's been a hard road for you as well. But you are a warrior, you are a survivor and you will endure.
The most healing thing in my life has been love and tears. May your life be filled with love and when it gets to hard, may your tears wash away the pain and sorrow so that you can get back to being happy.
I think that with future blogs, I'm going to tackle some more societal issues and maybe Part 2 to "She may have gave birth to me, but she wasn't my mother" will come one day. It's just not going to be anytime soon.
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